TALES AND TRAVAILS FROM A NOT-YET-DEAD POET

Stories- we’re fascinated by them…stories of people, places, indelible traces…

…What was that song -you know the one I mean-

from “back in the day” - that song which still

occasionally drifts into YOUR head even today- like

the smiling ghost of an old friend- and you still

remember those lyrics all these years later - and you

feel that nostalgic twinge - of those ol’

“warm’n’fuzzies”…?

What was your song??

Chances are, those lyrics - of “your song” - were

performed - in Poetic Form!

In a nutshell THAT’S the Power of Poetry - what’s

said - and HOW- it’s read…can create an impression

in your mind.

Like most, I didn’t start out on my journey by

dreaming of becoming a Performance Poet…

Hardly.

And if you’re like me, your “education” about the

spoken word likely began early…

My Mom could affectionately whisper my name “Jim”

in such a sweet way that I’d feel like the best-behaved

Little Boy on the planet…

Or…she could ear-splittingly screech “JIM” on those

rare occasions, almost curling the paint on the walls,

when my Devilish nature took over- and I “allegedly”

misbehaved…!

Inflection 101.

In school, do you remember- as I do - that teacher

who made the lesson “come alive”- and pique your

interest in an otherwise hopelessly dull subject?

…And - that “other” instructor, whose low monotone

would almost make you prefer the nerve-jangling

sounds of fingernails -excruciatingly clawing their way

down -that scarred, tortured blackboard?

Inflection 201.

I’d learn more about inflection- and the necessity of

speaking & writing concisely- precisely - in my short

stint as a Newspaper Reporter in the now-defunct

Hartford Times in the mid-70’s…

A year out of College, there I’d be, agonizingly taking

notes during 4-hour local Planning & Zoning

Commission meetings - listening to some dreary

Politico take 10 minutes to drone on about his

mundane musings - which he easily could’ve wrapped

up in 2…

At that point, I knew…if I ever got my hands on a

microphone - I vowed “Don’t Be That Guy”…

To this day, I keep reminding myself…”You still love

groovin’ to the Allman Bros “Ramblin’ Man” - but

unless you can play guitar like Dicky Betts- (and I

can’t) don’t be one yourself”!

Be Clear & Concise - 101.

Back then I also began working in my first love-

Radio- at WCCC-FM - a Rock station - where I

rubbed elbows with a rising young talent- 24-year-old

Howard Stern.

During his year-plus in Hartford, Howard was evolving

- turbocharging his career - almost from the Clark-

Kent-like mediocrity when he first began - to

Superman status toward the end of his meteoric reign

in Hartford. Shortly before he moved up to the top-tier

markets, I saw him onstage at a huge concert venue -

where most of us exposure-craving DJ’s would

eagerly jump at the chance to stand in front of the

throngs of fans- and bring on the headliner…

But with the spotlight momentarily on him- Howard

didn’t do what most other jocks did- excitedly

announce the list of other shows “coming soon” to the

City…instead - he only bellowed out these three

words…

“I’M HOWARD STERN”

…and the fans in that sold-out Civic Center unleashed

a deafening roar…

Stage-presence - Postgraduate Level.

During my radio years, I sold advertising full time, and

pulled part-time air shifts too…

Had plenty of fun spinning the tunes- but carrying on

a conversation by yourself on mic is an acquired, yet

elusive art… and since I couldn’t captivate an

audience like Howard Stern could, the Bombastic

Boss kept exhorting me to - in so many encouraging

words - “Shut up and play the hits!!”

In selling to clients, on the other hand, I drew upon my

experience as a reporter…each had their own story-

and the more questions I could ask them - the better

I’d do - and success would usually follow.

Early in my career, I’d write the ad copy for some of

the smaller businesses myself - as creatively as I

could within the 30 or 60 second commercial “walls”-

while still working on the essentials like the name,

location, products - all that fun stuff!

And for that matter, writing Newspaper stories was

another exercise in brevity- for news coverage, you

get to the meat of the matter- and write at an easily-

understood Grammar School level. When the story is

complex- boil it down!!

I much preferred feature writing, where I could

interview, then flesh out their story with personal

anecdotes …but those opportunities were relatively

few.

During election season, we’d read the press releases

sent in by the local candidates for office - hoping we’d

publish…

Now, I always looked at writing as a “life skill”- almost

like breathing…and since I could functionally breathe

and write- I assumed nearly everyone else could,

too…

Then, I started reading a few of the mangled “Press

Releases” sent into the second-largest Newspaper in

Connecticut on behalf of these local candidates…

Silently shaking my head, I’d mumble…”OK- so- not

“EVERYONE” - can write!!”

Be Clear & Concise. 201

Many years later, I moved on to selling billboard

advertising for a large corporation- Lamar Adv. Co.

Occasionally, we’d get email communiques from

Corporate HQ in Baton Rouge- directly from the CEO

- and his messages were astonishingly simple…

Rather than show off his Mighty Corporate Stature or

his Elite Harvard University Education, he was laser-

focused on delivering an easy-to-understand

Directive- leaving no room for ambiguity or

misinterpretation. He’d make HIS words- count!

Less…IS More…

Be Clear & Concise. Post-Graduate Level

After retiring, I eventually dusted off my pen and

joined a local Writer’s Group and we Zoomed

through the Pandemic. Now sometimes, ANY Zoom

Meeting can be like Root Canal without the Novocain,

so I tried to spare The Group that agony - with fast-

paced story-writing, provocatively igniting, tried to be

engaging -occasionally enraging - and as entertaining

as possible…and since I DON’T play the Guitar…no

rambling!

Occasionally, I’d write in verse…then one day, I heard

about this group- The Shore Poets- with live Open

Mic sessions in the Long Beach NY Library…

And suddenly…all these “lessons” I’d been learning-

all came together!!

My poetic stories can be brief & whimsical…30

seconds for

“Catfish me- my real-life fantasy”…”she doesn’t care

about our 50-year age gap- swore to me so as she

slid down her strap”…

A different story- can be a wee bit longer - like my

dubious “Poets Guide to filing your Taxes”…laced

with a few improbable scenarios!

Yet another takes you through the real-life story of the

Incan “Ice Maiden” - a young teenager sacrificed to

the gods 500 years ago- pondering all the family and

village dynamics which led to her bearing the curse of

becoming “the chosen one”…to save everyone she

knew…

But it doesn’t end there- for her remains were

famously discovered in 1995, studied, and she would

subsequently “teach us volumes, without uttering a

word- your mitochondrial DNA was so well-

preserved”…

And - if given the fateful choice- would she have

chosen…

…”To reappear in 500 years- like a Sleeping BEAUTY

And posthumously feted - like a STAR IN A MOVIE

Or - would you have chosen a life of obscurity

Lived & died with the rest - in anonymous

tranquility”…

I titled it “Girl of the Andes.” This poem is a 5-minute

soliloquy, and it’s patterned after the iconic “Green

Fields Of France”, where the hiker sits by the

gravestone of a fallen WW1 soldier - reflecting on the

soldier’s earlier life -the state of the world which

caused his demise- and the ensuing carnage which

the soldier likely sacrificed his life to prevent - but is

still happening to this day.

Poetry, I’ve found, exists in life itself- and virtually

ANY story can be remade into poetic form…

Lately, I’ve focused on parody songwriting- with a

humorously jabbing Political twist.

Now- Politics aside for the moment (I promise)-

I’ve found parody writing to be a complete paradox.

On one hand, the songwriters I’ve borrowed from-

Dylan, Bowie, Billy Joel, Gil Scott Heron & others-

have penned unforgettable melodies & lyrics for the

ages -THEY’VE done the heavy lifting for you- and

when you’re on stage, borrowing those melodies and

mimicking their inflections- your connection to the

audience can be Electric!!

On the other hand, their lyrics are often amazingly

simple in their brilliance- which makes them so

accessible- and beloved…

BUT- as a parody writer- you’ve got to write your

lyrics within the confines of their melodic “walls” …

For instance, if their line is 10 words - you can’t jam in

18 words- or try to stretch out 6…

And if they’re at 23 syllables- can can’t cram in 35…or

slide by with 12…

AND…borrowing a beloved melody pushes you to a

far higher standard of accountability with the crowd. If

your words fall flat - if your intended meaning goes

splat- the ensuing audience’s moans and groans will

make you want to crawl under a rock…and there are

simply no rocks to hide under - from the glaring lights

on stage!!

So - it’s an easy-sounding- yet elevated challenge -

but when you make that Electric Connection- the

crowd goes nuts.

I’ve recorded a number of my politically- acerbic

parodies & posted them on YouTube & Tik Tok. Now,

since virtually no one would recognize my real name,

I created a Brand- “The Grouchy Grandpa Channel”

as my platform.

This is a pure hobby for me- and since I’m not

attempting to make any money off this, what I do is

legally considered “Fair Use” (DISCLAIMER-I’m not

an Attorney- nor do I play one on TV- so please- don’t

take this as “Legal Advice” -from me!!)

Throughout my life experiences, I’ve found there are

only 3 ways to speak…

You can speak AT someone…

You can speak TO someone

Or…you can speak WITH someone…

Now…if you’re on the receiving end…which way -

would YOU prefer to be engaged??

Whenever I’m performing poetry onstage, I try to

make it feel like a one-on-one convo with a good

friend - sharing a story and a good reaction…

And lastly…CHEATING…

Admit it…you cheat!

Remember when you’d cheat

- with a taste of that forbidden sweet?

How about that extra swig from that frosty cold

brew??

Or- when you lopped off that one promised loop in

your exercise regimen?

Or that time Uncle Sam would’ve furrowed his brow -

if he only knew about that piece of fudge oozing out of

your tax return…??

Whether your cheating involves the fallacious,

voracious, or the salacious (and spare us your sordid

details)...you cheat!

Everyone cheats…and yes…I cheat, too.

Whenever I write Poetry, I cheat (and not with that

creepy AI stuff, either)...

I can make every line rhyme - and I usually do…even

when my story touches the 8-minute mark.

No - I’m not a walking Thesaurus…I’m more like a

lumbering Brontosaurus…

but whenever I’m stuck for a word I whip out the App

“RhymeZone”

It’s a gold mine of ideas - and it & bailed me out of

countless jams…

And when I absolutely, positively can’t find a word to

rhyme, I simply change the line - and end with a

different word…that shines!

Rhyme Zone - try it yourself, and you’ll be well on

your way - to earning your PhD - in Poetry.

Cheating - Doctorate Level

Everyone has a story…

…and that’s Mine!

Thanks for your Time!

Oh- and here’s my YouTube Link to The Grouchy

Grandpa Channel…

…and about my earlier-stated promise of “Politics

Aside”? …

Well, Sorry, Mate -

It had an expiration date!

https://youtube.com/@grouchygrandpa-vt5og?si=nebSVwX1YWwV6DYZ

Performance Poet and Digital Creator Jim Coulter

weaves tales of the whimsical, ethereal, satirical, political, and often hysterical. Jim has been published in several Anthologies, and also photographs “ Poetry In Nature” along the shoreline of Long Beach NY. Follow Jim on the “Grouchy Grandpa Channel” on YouTube and Tik Tok.

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

Very Gerry

I hail from North Jersey, where as a mere cherub, I began entertaining at the age of 3. It all started with Three Stooges routines in our family living room. My dad tried sports with me, but come on - I knew it wasn’t my thing because I knew I was much too fabulous for them! So, what does any other normal boy do? Join a theatre class! At age 9, I was introduced to the Merry World of Musical Theatre and did it simultaneously with my schooling. Some of my favorite and challenging roles were Edna (Hairspray), Horton (Seussical), Lord Farquaad (Shrek) and Jeff (Title Of Show).

A couple of years after graduating high school, my GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) advisor asked me to come in and chat with his club members! I planned out a pop-up performance and Q&A session. It was one of the best moments, as the kids really enjoyed what I presented! During the Q&A, one of the students asked me the infamous question, “What would you say to someone who wants to be an actor one day?” I froze for a second but then answered, “If you can see yourself doing ANYTHING other than acting, do that. It’s not an easy thing to break into, but if you cannot see yourself doing anything else but being a performer, do that.”

The summer after high school ended, I began professionally working in New York and was seen on CBS and E! News for my work in the Off-Broadway show Totally Tubular Time Machine starring Debbie Gibson. Then, I went along and created my debut solo cabaret show, “Very Gerry,” that played famous cabaret clubs like Don’t Tell Mama, Metropolitan Room and Paul Colby’s The Bitter End. Since then, I have hosted, starred in, and created many cabaret performances all over the country. In 2017 I conceived and co-starred in “The Golden Gays TM LLC,” a hilarious camp tribute to TV’s The Golden Girls and it was seen by thousands of people from all over the world! I created the troupe in June 2017 and concluded my almost 7 year run as “The Rose”, on December 9th 2023. Even though I am not a part of my creation anymore, I do think that “The Golden Gays” hit at the right time in my life. I think it was because of so many pop culture elements coming into one! With the success of RuPaul’s Drag Race and the nostalgia of The Golden Girls, it was kismet. I wrote a letter to Betty White during quarantine and told her that the role that she originated and created, got me my first NYC apartment. The timing was right and we had a great run. I am very thankful!

“I am a self-proclaimed Character Actor. An actor who usually plays older than they really are; male or female-presenting characters.”

Since the start of 2024, I have been building my venue connections, currently booking/touring my solo “Drag Bingo” and Impersonation show, “Divas in my Mind”, that pay homage to the ladies of Old Hollywood. I am also cultivating my new project for streaming services called “The Very Gerry Variety Hour.” It’s a love letter to Vaudeville and The Carol Burnett Show. I can be seen performing throughout Florida with Drag Events Unlimited, led by the national entertainer Nicole Halliwell. The works include tours of “Hocus Pocus Live” and “Stay Golden A Golden Girls Tribute Show.” Over 15 consecutive SOLD OUT shows nationally, that perform in regional sized theaters!

“Did you know that I once reminded someone of Madeline Kahn? It’s true and that was one of the best things that ever happened to me in my career!”

I have been very fortunate that some of my original works and tributes have been seen on CNN, Reelz, OK!, ABC, The New York Times, Disney, Celebrity Cruises, CBS, E! News, National conventions, ABC 7 Eyewitness News, and the Associated Press. Being a professional performer and working in the Theatre can be a very strange yet rewarding life. What I mean by that is the fact that one day you can be on top of the world, working every day; then down in the dumps and being unemployed for months and months. Since I really began with the lashes and heels in 2012, I have learned that the first thing you need is your health. Mental and physical. The second thing you need is your support system, whether it be family or chosen family. One cannot succeed in show business without a solid form of acceptance and support!

“Performing is my oxygen. I need to make people feel something!”

I never knew it would take zillions of gigs, 12 jobs, and $500 headshots every 5 years but I cannot see myself fighting for anything else. Every single day you have to play 10 different parts in the small business that is YOUR ACTING CAREER. Not all of us are as lucky as Beyonce! Bette Davis said, “Just do it. There’s never a shortcut in anybody’s business. It takes a lot of years to say “You’ve made it”. It takes 15-20 years

That’s why it’s so important to me to work with kind people and find other members of my tribe. I am forever blessed for the true people who’ve joined me on this ride. Special shout out and thank you to my crazy big beautiful Italian family and true friends for their constant acceptance and support!!! You have my heart.

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Contact Info:

● Website: https://www.gerrymastrolia.com/

● Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/verygerrynyc/

● Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/verygerry94

● Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MrGerryMastrolia

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

Art is Freedom: And That's An Awful Lot of Responsibility

We all know the quote ad nauseam. With great power comes great responsibility. And before Cliff Robertson portrayed Uncle Ben in Sam Raimi’s 2002 Spider-Man, a variation was uttered as the closing narration in Amazing Fantasy #15 in 1962. Of course, the idea extends throughout the centuries. The French have a phrase for it: la noblesse oblige, which emphasizes the idea that nobility extends beyond entitlement, demanding people who hold high status carry out their social responsibilities.

And indeed, artists are free to say what they like. Nowadays we might face social firing squads but to me this pales in comparison to the literal firing squads artists once faced in the not so distant past. Not that violence can’t bubble up when one speaks their truth; i.e. Salman Rushdie. How far we are willing to go for our art and our truth is a different conversation altogether but for the most part, we live in a time and place where a significant degree of tolerance is habitual. Ideally this convention continues to hold strong.

And because of this linguistic and creative freedom, artists hold much sway in the idea landscape of our shared reality. We influence society. We influence trends, values, and ways of life. We influence the way in which individuals see the world and perhaps even navigate through it. Artists are akin to subjective journalists, correspondents who go into the conflict zones of culture and report back through art.

While history books tell you what happened, we tell you how it felt. That is our function, to look at the world from a different perspective in an attempt to understand one another in a new way.

We can say whatever we want however we want. And that, my friends, is an awful lot of responsibility that we should not take lightly.

I remember seeing an Off-Off Broadway showcase a few years back. I believe it was 2018. One of the pieces was about a brother and sister arguing over the brother’s new girlfriend – who happened to be a Trump supporter. It was an intriguing play but I recall a pit in my stomach forming as I realized the girlfriend was never going to make an entrance. Her voice, and by extension, all such voices, were silenced. This struck me as the cardinal sin of theatre despite my personal disdain for both the man and his behaviors. It was a blasphemous artistic decision. While I happened to be politically aligned with the siblings in the play, I realized we had gotten to the point where we were writing out characters we didn’t agree with or couldn’t comprehend. The latter is probably the most striking validity. And this example is, of course, a microcosm of our current scene at large.

I started to wonder if we were insulating ourselves. Had we created our own bubble to the point where we dared not go outside it? What might it mean if we did start to understand such characters and therefore such people…?

I go to plays all the time. I also go to poetry readings. Art, to me, is one of the most important facets of my life. It is, after all, along with science, a needed bastion for any pursuit of truth and compassion. Yet over and over I kept feeling that we were preaching to the choir – preaching to ourselves.

Thespians were preaching to theatergoers. And poets were preaching to poets. And the non-artists in the crowd already agreed with us. For the most part.

We reveled in our like-mindedness. We felt protected, secured, and comfortable in our shared opinions and safe spaces.

It felt as if we were in a metaphoric bubble, both encapsulated and blinded. Ignorance became trapped in virtue. We were blissfully stuck in the conformity of our ways.

They say great art does not answer questions – it provokes them. I had suddenly realized I had not seen new pieces of great art, by this mantra, in quite some time.

My acting training has undoubtedly influenced the way I interact with the world. I tend to view situations through the lens of objective and obstacle (thanks a lot Stanislavsky 🙄). When I engage in a polemical conversation or create a piece of art, I ask myself: what am I trying to do? And more importantly, what is the best way for me to reach my objective? What strategies should I impose and implement in order for me to put my objective in the strongest position possible? And the thing about objectives is that the best ones aren’t actually about you. It’s about what you want or need from the other person.

As long as I am also open and listening truthfully, I have often found this to be a good starting point and I wonder what would change if this became a bit more of the norm.

Even while writing this I fear readers might misconstrue what I’m trying to say. One should always express their most passionate and contentious truths, feelings, experiences, and opinions. But as the old adage goes, it’s not what you say but how you say it.

Otherwise, what you are saying becomes self-serving and subsequently self-defeating; you will reach and affect fewer people as a result. And what good does that do?

I suppose it seems only reasonable that I should brainstorm some sort of solution if I am brash enough to point out our plausible flaws. I think the contemporary creative who wishes to bring awareness to issues that warrant attention needs to engage a bit more in the formation of a plan of action (myself included). We need to get better at the skillful use of a stratagem. How can we reach those who we feel truly need to hear what we have to say? How do we do that without sermonizing, without being ostentatious, pedagogic, pedantic, or as didactic as this very sentence? And after we figure that out, what is the best way to communicate to them? What cultural language do they speak? What values do they hold? What tends to move them? Adjust accordingly. And think about the best form and format this food for thought will be served on that would allow them to best digest it. I realize this sounds somewhat manipulative. But I think it’s actually quite the opposite. It’s showcasing a degree of consideration while putting to use your most persuasive appeals in good faith.

When I think of a narrative “political filmmaker” who is also considered an activist, the first name that pops into my mind is Oliver Stone. And I think of this quote of his:

“You cannot approach history unless you have empathy for the person

you may hate. We can’t judge people as only ‘bad’ or ‘good’. [Adolf

Hitler] is an easy scapegoat throughout history and it’s been used

cheaply. He’s the product of a series of actions. It’s cause and effect.”

It’s a harsh reality. But there is much truth here. And this seems to be a very difficult aim to achieve when “blocking” people digitally and then by extension in every other way, takes nothing more than the click of a button. And while I don’t necessarily consider myself a transcendentalist, I, for one, do not wish to live in a world where half of the population cannot understand the other half. I hold out hope that Jean-Jacques Rousseau was right and goodness is an inherent quality of human beings. Then again, these days, I simply hold out hope that we can agree on what goodness actually is and what it looks like.

A colleague and I were recently discussing whether or not every creative endeavor could thoroughly be viewed through a political lens and indeed it feels as if anything can be made to be extremely political in our day and age. But the most effective political pieces of art are not ubiquitously political. They’re personal. The political is the residual of real lives. That is where the power to truly create empathy, understanding, and change stems from. And that might just be the best way to maximize advocacy in the arts.

But then again – what do I know!? I say this in the least sarcastic manner. I am but one voice in an ongoing conversation as no piece of writing exists in a vacuum. I ask myself how this very article contributes something new and honestly perhaps it is best viewed as a gentle but poignant reminder.

Art is a conversation. Not an exhortation.

Onwards and Upwards, Always,

G

Scare Yourself! What Horror Movies Tell Us About Our Own Fears

As Halloween night descends upon us, we may ask ourselves what is the thing that truly makes the season so spooky?

For some it’s haunted houses and jump scares, for others it’s gruesome makeup and costumes. But for most of us, a big part of Halloween revolves around our love for horror films.

Whether these films are slashers, ghost stories, tales of mass murderers or demons from beyond, there is always the implication that behind all the screaming, guts and mind fucks, there is a much deeper level of violence and fear that is innately known to us as human beings.

So what is it inside that draws us into that seemingly endless web of darkness that comprises the human imagination and undoubtedly beyond that, the unconscious?

As children, it can be assumed that we learn to scare ourselves; it’s a part of the developmental learning process. It’s exciting, it stimulates our nervous system and in some ways it gives us hope that beyond the mundane existence of reality, there is a world, even if it is terrifying, that exists beyond our own. Because even if that world is terrifying, it mirrors our own intense feelings towards death and the comfort some of us feel in that darkness due to our own traumatic lives. And what’s better than being able to experience these mind-altering worlds from the safety of our couch?

I’ve always found it interesting that some of my friends claim to watch horror movies to unwind and to ‘chill out’ before sleep. One person even mentioned, “The gorier the film, the more I relax.” How? What is it about watching a character get gutted that is relaxing?

For some, it seems to be a cathartic experience, one that allows the viewer to not only suspend their disbelief, but to somehow use the experience of “death” to find peace. It’s not so surprising when we look at it through this lens. What is more peaceful than eternal rest without any of the responsibilities of life?

For others, being scared is just exciting; it jolts you with electric energy and does the opposite of “killing you.” This sort of adrenaline rush is actually in the service of life! It reminds you, you can feel and experience all those intense feelings without the danger of actual obliteration.

And if I dare to dig deeper into this mass grave that makes up the collective psyche of a species which seemingly thrives on chaos and power, we can say that our love of horror is just a sublimation for our darkest and deepest desires to not only destroy everything around us, but also to guarantee our own destruction in the process.

Those who commit murders must know that eventually they will be caught and punished, even if these thoughts are cast from the conscious mind. We know that what most people do to others has a lot to do with their feelings about themselves.

When I ask people what their favorite genre of horror is, I always find it a telling clue to their most inner wishes and fears, for you cannot have a wish without that wish also being shrouded in fear; they are as inseparable as the will to live and the will to die.

So tonight, when you sit down to watch your favorite scary movie, take a peek at your reflection in that dark screen and maybe consider what that film is telling you about the darkness and evil that sits waiting, ever watching, from the deepest parts of your unknown mind.

Yours Truly, (in this life and the next….)

*evil laughter*

E

Remembering The Time I Opened For Norm Macdonald

As a stand-up comedian for over 25 years, I have been very fortunate to be an opening act for many A-list comedians: Louie Anderson, Rob Schneider, Caroline Rhea, Dennis Miller, Kevin Pollack and some great musical acts such as Dion and Micky Dolenz.

But nothing prepared me for getting a call from The Paramount in Huntington, a magnificent venue for music and comedy. They asked if I was available, on very short notice, to open for Norm Macdonald.

As a fan of comedians, Norm was in my top 5 of all-time. That list includes such giants such as George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Joan Rivers and Don Rickles. Norm had me from the first time I saw him on a show called A&E’s Evening at the Improv sometime in the early 80s. I had seen all of his movies (good and bad), watched his failed sitcoms, and, of course, followed his stand-up career.

I was beyond excited to meet and have the distinct pleasure to share the stage with one of my comedy heroes.

I arrived early in hopes to hang out with Norm in the green room. My plan did not disappoint. I got there and asked the gang of kids that worked there, “Where’s NORM?” They knew me since I had been fortunate to perform as an opener at The Paramount many times.

One of them said, “He’s in the green room. You can go in.”

I did.

Norm was relaxed on a couch and a nice-looking lady was there who introduced herself as his manager. I introduced myself as his opening act Stevie GB.

“Stevie GB? What kind of name is that?”

I immediately realized Norm is Norm off-stage and on-stage. Same cadence in his voice.

He asked, “Where you from? Around here?”

I said, “I live in Holbrook, it’s about a half hour east.”

“Oh, so you are from New York City?”

“No, that’s the other way”.

“I know, I’m just screwing with you.”

Although it was simply small talk, I felt I was in the presence of a true comedy icon. I always feel strange being around stars. It’s hard for me to realize they are just regular people. I don’t want to appear starstruck and go through the whole I’m a huge fan nonsense. I just hung by the door awkwardly. The woman was friendly and asked me the usual “how long have you been doing comedy” questions.

Suddenly, Norm looked at me and asked, “Do you have a toothpick?”

Of course I didn’t. Who carries toothpicks?

I ran out to the other room and shouted to one of the kids, “Norm needs a toothpick!”

One of them handed me a full box of toothpicks.

I ran back to the room and handed them to Norm. He opened the box and a bunch fell on the floor. I immediately went into my Rain Man impression, a bit I had done on stage for years but stopped doing because it felt a little old.

“52…yeah definitely 52 toothpicks.”

Norm laughed.

“I get it. Rain Man. That’s’ funny. Let’s see how close you were.” He actually counted the toothpicks.

“37. You were way off.”

Out of nowhere, Bill O’Reilly from FOX walked in the door. I try not to be political on stage and I am not a huge fan of the guy but it was still interesting to see him just show up. I shook his hand and told him I was Norm’s opener. He didn’t seem impressed. Norm and Bill seemed to know each other quite well. I didn’t want to feel any more awkward so I started to leave.

Norm said, “HEY, have a great set.”

I asked, “How do you want me to introduce you?”

He answered, “I think they know me. My name is on the ticket so say whatever you want.”

My opening 15 minutes went well. I felt comfortable and enjoyed the audience response.

It was time to introduce Norm. I just said, “You know him, you love him; here is Norm Macdonald!”

I looked over to the side of the stage to see Norm crouched down tying his shoes.

I ran over and said, “Norm, I just introduced you.”

“I know. I gotta tie my shoes.”

Finally, Norm hit the stage for an hour of rip-roaring comedy. He was brilliant, dark, and most of all

NORM.

His set ended and he saw me in the wings. Normally, the show ends and I walk back to the green room and get ready to go.

Norm said to me, “Go out and take a bow.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’ll go out with you.”

He did.

We walked out together and he went to the mic and said, “Let’s hear it one more time for Stevie GB. He lives New York City I think. I don’t know.”

In all my opportunities opening for big name performers, not once did any of them acknowledge me at the end of the show. I was merely the opening act that most people in the audience probably forgot about by the end of the show.

What Norm did meant a lot to me and still does to this day.

When I heard that he passed away less than a year later, it was a very upsetting day. I still miss him.

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Stevie GB

is an award-winning comedian, actor, and playwright. Known as the world’s funniest accountant, Stevie has performed at Westbury Music Fair opening for Dion, and at the Paramount in Huntington opening for comedy giants like Dennis Miller, Louie Anderson, Rob Schneider, Norm Macdonald and many more. He has written and performed three one-man shows, 12 One-Act plays and a full length musical that appeared Off-Broadway. He has also performed as Groucho Marx to critical acclaim in Newsday. Featured on Amazon Prime and on News 12.

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