WHEELER AND WOOLSEY: A Sandwich and a Cigar

I first read about them in Maltin’s Movie Comedy Teams. They had a sort of forced Marx Brothers vibe from the photographs in the book and that didn’t sit right with me. I had no idea who they were, what their voices sounded like, or if I would even deign to make time for them. After all, if I hadn’t heard of them then they must not have been very good.

Cut to 15 years later when I was planning the first newsletter for my new organization, THE DIPLOMANIACS: The Wheeler and Woolsey Appreciation Society. I even got in touch with the great Ed Watz, the man who knows all things Wheeler and Woolsey and has written the book to prove it, to ask if he could get me in touch with the boys’ frequent leading lady, Dorothy Lee. He graciously gave me her phone number and her return call began a close friendship that lasted until her death in 1999.

So, what was this odd hybrid of 1920’s Broadway craziness, and 1930’s classic movie comedy? They were, in fact, completely fabricated. Bert Wheeler was born Albert Jerome Wheeler in Paterson, New Jersey in 1895 (where Lou Costello was born 11 years later). Struck by the showbiz bug at a very early age, he eventually became a very big vaudeville star, doing an act with wife as Bert and Betty Wheeler (she eventually ran away with a dancer and faded into obscurity). It seems that Bert always ate an apple, or a sandwich when he would sit at the edge of the stage and take the audience into his confidence. In the meantime, Bert became a favorite of Flo Ziegfeld, and no less than Alexander Woollcott wrote that Bert made the 1923 Follies “his oyster.” He was next signed by Ziegfeld to do the comedy lead in a big book show, RIO RITA. It was in that show that he met his future partner, Robert Woolsey, who was the second comedy lead.

Robert Woolsey, he of the skinny legs, mobile cigar, and wire-rimmed glasses was born in Carbondale, Illinois in 1888. Always small and spindly, he decided on a career as a jockey, which was waylaid when he fractured his leg. He eventually wandered into stage work and clocked some serious time with regional touring companies. He played many different roles, but he came to be most relaxed when taking on the comedic posturing of the great Walter Catlett, who was the star comedian in one of these touring companies. Having recently been recruited by Ziegfeld, Catlett actually gave the young Woolsey his permission (in writing!) to continue to use what Catlett himself had created, both on stage and in numerous films. This included a pair of wire-rimmed glasses, and an ever-present cigar (which Woolsey did not smoke off-camera).

So, with his borrowed persona, and a boatload of nerve, Woolsey wrote plays, starred in some of them, and eventually made it to Broadway. His most interesting role was as the lawyer, Potts in the WC Fields starrer, POPPY (actually it was Madge Kennedy who had the star spot, with Fields as the comedy lead who got most of the notices). Woolsey was clearly in support. Just as he was when partnered with lead comedian, Bert Wheeler in RIO RITA.

In fact, Woolsey left the production for a year to do another show, and interestingly it was Walter Catlett who replaced him and actually played the role for a longer period of time. When it came time to make the film, RKO summoned only Bert Wheeler and Robert Woolsey from the original cast. The film was a huge hit (RKO’s biggest until KING KONG four years later) and it looked like RKO had the makings of a comedy team on their hands. But in truth, it was Bert they really wanted. He was the bigger star. RKO felt that Woolsey’s role could have been portrayed by any number of other comic actors. First on the list was, you guessed it, Walter Catlett. But the public spoke. They liked Woolsey with Wheeler, and Woolsey finally got consideration as an equal partner.

In Hollywood, money is the bottom line and the boys made plenty of it for RKO. Throughout the years Woolsey never let the front office forget their effrontery. He loved being a movie star and he protected his status like the tough customer he was. According to Dorothy Lee, he was “tighter than a snare drum,” and he made sure that they were paid what they were worth. On the other hand, Bert hated Hollywood and movie-making in general. He was a stage animal and a loyal New Yorker. Although the money was great, Bert wasn’t great with money. He spent it, loaned it, wasted it, made bad investments, and had five wives. Woolsey had one wife and the first dime he ever made.

From 1929 until 1937 their films were churned out on a regular basis. At first they were making four a year, a record matched by Abbott and Costello in the next decade. In 1931, the studio separated the team and they made two of their worst films. Bert and Dorothy were in the dismal, TOO MANY COOKS, and Woolsey made an unfunny imitation of POPPY called EVERYTHING’S ROSIE, scripted by the very hit and miss Al Boasberg. But sane heads prevailed and the boys were wisely put back together again. The films were not as popular as those of their main competition, Laurel and Hardy, but they did well enough at the box office that RKO kept churning them out. They made one side trip to Columbia, SO THIS IS AFRICA in 1933 when negotiations with RKO went awry. The film is one of their best in spite of being chopped to bits by the censors. It was actually considered to be a very dirty movie and was one of the films cited so the code could be enforced.

But after 8 years and 22 films things came to a halt. Woolsey suffered from insomnia and got into the habit of drinking himself to sleep every night. This played havoc on his liver and he died of cirrhosis in 1938 at the age of 50. Since Woolsey had retired the year before, Bert was already on the road doing a single, but he did make sure to be there for his partner’s funeral and to help comfort the widow.

After a couple of weak films, Bert went back to his natural habitat, the stage. He played Broadway (he took over for Frank Fay in HARVEY), presentation houses, nightclubs, radio, and eventually TV. His work on CAVALCADE OF STARS with Jackie Gleason shows us parts of Bert’s nightclub act and he shines. On radio he was Frank Sinatra’s comic sidekick on THE FRANK SINATRA SHOW for a season, and in one episode he even has a very funny confrontation with WC Fields.

On television, other than the CAVALCADE OF STARS he appeared on a children’s western series called, BRAVE EAGLE. Bert played a mild comedy relief Native American called “Smoky Joe.” Why anyone would cast Bert Wheeler as a Native American is beyond me, but amazingly he was also in the mix for a part in a western sitcom, PISTOLS AND PETTICOATS. The show starred an almost unrecognizable Ann Sheridan (cancer had ravaged the once beautiful star), and Bert might have played another Native American, but he lost out to Lon Chaney, Jr.

It seemed that Bert was always broke but seemed to be a very positive fellow. During his final years, he lived in a small apartment in the Lamb’s Club in New York City and he last performed with his pal, Tom Dillon. In the act he played Dillon’s mother in ratty looking old lady drag. Surviving footage from THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW can be found on the Internet. It’s very funny, and it’s aglow with that nostalgic vaudeville feeling.

Bert passed away of emphysema in 1968. Sadly, he was buried in a mass grave in Queens, New York supplied by the Catholic Actors Guild of America. His name is listed near the bottom.

I really do enjoy Wheeler and Woolsey. They came to me later in life (in my early 20’s) and the joy of having brand “new” wacky comedies from the 1930’s made me overlook what are now obvious weaknesses in the franchise. The films are entertaining for the most part, but there are jokes that land like the Hindenburg, and if the film doesn’t have a song from the boys, or from Bert and Dorothy, it can seem like a walk through the desert without a refreshment.

My favorites of their films are RIO RITA (the best material they ever had), PEACH O’ RENO, HOLD ‘EM JAIL, DIPLOMANIACS, HIPS, HIPS HOORAY, COCKEYED CAVALIERS, THE NITWITS, and my one unpopular choice, MUMMY’S BOYS (I love the atmosphere of Mummy themed films). That’s eight films out of the twenty-one they made as a team. The other films rate from horrible to fun. I enjoy THE RAINMAKERS on a certain level, but it’s very mild compared to their more adult pre-code films.

Clearly the pre-code (pre-1934) films are what made Wheeler and Woolsey popular. And they were considered to be “dirty comedians” by church groups and censors, and the films most certainly are naughty as only pre- code comedies can be. I have another qualm about the team, and it’s a major one. I don’t think Robert Woolsey was anything more than capable. He was a fair singer and dancer (Bert had it all over him, in fact), and his delivery left a good deal to be desired. Don’t get me wrong, he’s likable, and he’s a good partner for Bert, but the truth is that his often weird inflections on certain words, and his habit of asking for a repeat of the set-up line so he could nail us with what was usually a pretty mediocre punch line can be irritating. He is especially annoying in the earlier films. He laughs at his jokes before telling them, which generally tells us that we don’t have to. He looks funny, he walks funny, and he dresses funny. In fact it looks like someone was told to take him into a room and make him LOOK superficially funny. He’s just not that funny.

I much prefer Hank Ladd for Bert Wheeler. He can be seen in LAS VEGAS NIGHTS doing some very funny stuff with Bert at the microphone. It’s what they did in nightclubs and it’s really good. The guy can sing, too. I only wish that Wheeler and Ladd had the chance to make a few of their own films. In the early 1950’s Bert eventually succumbed to the ready cash paid by Jules White for two pretty lame Columbia short subjects (INNOCENTLY GUILTY, and THE AWFUL TRUTH). Bert looks ten years older than he actually was, and he played by the numbers with support by the Columbia sound effects department. All in all, the two shorts are sad reminders of better things.

Bert’s later TV appearances are nostalgic and precious. I especially like him working with his pal, Pat Boone, on THE PAT BOONE SHOW. And he continued to do his “Mother” act with Tom Dillon in clubs, and on cruise ships. Bert did not age well. Years of smoking and partying showed in his face and posture. He actually looked like a chubby old lady when he wore the drag. I was actually a comedian on the cruise ships for a few years and I know that Bert and Tom Dillon played cruises, too. The money was wonderful, and the schedules were very easy, so it seemed like a great place to bring the act. From Ziegfeld to cruise ships. Some might think that sad, but I’d like to think of it as Bert out there plying his trade, and to a vaudevillian it was all about the work.

Nick Santa Maria

is a native New Yorker who has appeared on Broadway in GREASE! and in Mel Brooks’ THE PRODUCERS. Nick is an actor/singer/stand up comedian/playwright/author/film historian/and teacher. He has performed all over the world, and he is the co-author THE ANNOTATED ABBOTT AND COSTELLO (with Matthew Coniam), and has written several introductions to books on film history. He now resides on Hutchinson Island, Florida.

G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

The Power of Poetry

Hi all, I’m Tammy. There are many, like me, who believe that writing is a vehicle of creating connections, to oneself and others. The sense of isolation diminishes, even disappears. We do not want to live a life in a vacuum. Robert Frost said, “A poem begins with a lump in the throat; a homesickness or a love sickness. It is a reaching-out toward expression; an effort to find fulfillment. A complete poem is one where an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words. ”Roger Rosenblatt once said, “We go through the arduous task of learning how to speak in order to tell the stories within.” The drive to say, “I am/was here” is hardwired in humans. This “drive” has been with us since we were aware of our “humanness.” The Indonesian handprints are at least 39,900 years old.

I am a believer that the creative process enables deeper critical thinking. It represents the highest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs; that being: self-actualization. There are many, like me, who write as a form of therapy; when the world does not make sense, when it is colder than icebergs, or when it shows a sign that there is hope. I hone the emotion in my personal lyrical poetry into a piece of highly polished art. The poem becomes a lantern for the reader, signaling someone understands and waits to embrace them.

I teach poetry because I know the healing power of words.

I know the human mind is poetic in nature. I know that with a handful of instruction and an armload of encouragement poems emerge from those who never thought they possessed the gift. I teach poetry because I understand the soul, in all of us, suffers and rejoices. I know the yearning to release/express. I, like my students, am like Keller, seeking the sight of words.

I have had the pleasure of serving as Suffolk County Poet Laureate (2009 – 2011) and the Long Island Poet of the Year (2017). I have devoted my adult life to poetry and having a location on Long Island that is open to anyone wishing to utilize it, is a vision forty years in the making that is now a reality that is the Long Island Poetry Literature Repository.

One of my most memorable experiences concerning poetry and its power is when I conducted “residency workshops” in the Suffolk County correctional facilities for five years. For the first three I would only hold workshops for the female inmates. One of the guards asked me to please include the male inmates. I relented and was ashamed after spending time with them. The men were in as much need to have a positive form of expression as the women. I was not, and still am not, Pollyanna about the inmates, but I also know the verse, “There but by the grace of God go I.”

In the fifth year I held workshops in two of Suffolk County facilities. I edited an anthology of their work, Finding Our Voices. Neither facility wanted to be associated with the other, one being the Riverhead County Jail and the other being the Day Jail in Hauppauge for drug and alcohol offensives. The Riverhead facility claimed that the day inmates in Hauppauge were nothing more than posers. The day inmates in Hauppauge said that the Riverhead inmates were all criminals. I found this separation of themselves from the other fascinating. I made sure each inmate received a copy of the anthology, which was partially funded by the Huntington Arts Council and BOCES.

The apex of my experiences, concerning the power of poetry, is the following story. Years ago, I had a poetry website. One of the contributors was a woman who I will call Mary. Her poems were getting darker and deeply depressing. I finally reached out to her and expressed my concern. She wrote back saying how she was an American stuck in Romania. She had sold all her belongings to join a man she had met online. He became abusive and broke her hand. She could not work, as she did not speak the language.

She said she had reached out to the United States Consulate; they would not help her. I asked if I could try to help her. Yes, she said. I called The Retreat, an organization that assists domestically abused women. They contacted the US Consulate on her behalf, next thing she and I knew, the consulate paid for her return ticket and The Retreat gave her shelter. A couple of weeks later I was the featured reader at a poetry reading in her area and asked if she would care to go. We met at a deli, as the location of the shelter was not to be shared. When she got in my car she said, “I’m scared.” Of what I asked. She replied of reading in public. I said, “After what you just went through, THIS is what you are scared of??” We both laughed. Several months later she moved to North Carolina to live with her sister. Many years later I worked at The Retreat as a Court Advocate.

I would like to think that poetry brought about what I mentioned at the beginning of this article: that writing is a vehicle for creating connections, to oneself and others. The sense of isolation diminishes, even disappears.

Tammy has earned her Ph.D. in Humanities & Culture in the Interdisciplinary Studies program at Union Institute & University. Her dissertation was: The Healing Power of Poetry. She teaches at Long Island University, at the C W Post campus, as an adjunct assistant professor in the departments of: English, Humanities, and Sociology. She is the Founder and President of Long Island Poetry & Literature Repository. She was the first female appointed to the post of Suffolk County Poet Laureate 2009-2011. She is the Editor of Long Island Sounds Anthology.

Some of her accomplishments: 2017 WWBP Long Island Poet of the Year; 2016 Charter Member of the Long Island Authors’ Circle; National Association Poetry Therapy Member (since 2015); 2012 – 2020 Poet-in-Residence Southampton Historical Museum; 2011 Nominated Pushcart Prize, “Beneath an Irish Sky” by Mobius; 2011 - 2014 Poetry Director of Youth Program in Ireland at the Gerard Manly Hopkins Festival; 2010 Mobius’ Editor-in-Chief Choice; 2009 Recipient of LIWG Community Service Award; Listed in Poets & Writers since 2006.

G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

It’s All in the Timing

There’s a certain sense of timing in being an editor.

The saying goes: ‘if you don’t see the editing, it is good editing.’

If you’ve ever watched something and were jarred by a sense of timing, or thrown off for a second, or just simply noticed something looked ‘wonky’, then you’ve probably watched bad editing. Bad editing can ruin a film. But good editing can save a film.

Besides the director, the editor is the storyteller.

My spouse once saw footage of a short film I was editing and was horrified at what he saw. Then, at the final product, he said the film was unrecognizable from what it had started out as. Editing can cover a lot of bad things, including bad performances.

I first started editing when I was sitting around with too much time on my hands backstage in a Broadway show. As fellow cast members were playing video games, or watching Netflix, I decided to learn a new skill (yeah, I’m one of those guys). As many baby editors begin, I started fiddling around with iMovie, the training wheels of editing software. When you finish your first editing project (probably some form of photos you’ve linked together with music), you think you’re a magician. Of course, that was 14 years ago and now in the age of Tik-Tok, complete boobs can edit videos together (no offense to boobs).

Editing Tik-Toks are not the same thing as telling stories. And that’s what I like to do best.

When I decided I wanted to do this ‘for real,’ I started putting myself out there to do some edit-projects people needed (like actors’ reels). Soon, a buddy of mine who did wedding photography asked me if I wanted to film and edit together a wedding video. My fee was dirt cheap. And the engaged couple didn’t want to spend much on a wedding video. But after a couple of mind-numbing experiences watching endless footage of drunk people slopping themselves around on the dance floor, I decided, even by charging higher fees, wedding videography wasn’t for me.

At some point, I realized the rudimentary built-in transitions and graphics of iMovie screamed amateur. You can spot a video edited on iMovie from a mile away. The next obvious step was the grown-up version of iMovie - Final Cut Pro X. While this sufficed for a while, it had the same “sameness” that iMovie had, just in fancier formats. I should just say it wasn’t for me. There are FCPX’ers out there who love their software and do amazing things with it. Instead, I took a rather big leap over to Adobe’s editing software. It’s a fairly big learning curve, but it makes sense to me and allows for greater flexibility and nuance.

As I was editing more and more, a buddy of mine, who came from the headshot photographer world, was transitioning into cinematography. A few friends were getting together to shoot a short film (mainly so they could get on-camera footage for acting). So I agreed to edit it together for free, to learn. And I did learn a lot, made a lot of mistakes, and I loved it. From there, the entry into film work was born. Word spread and more and more work came to me. And the true fact was: I was good at it. I attribute this to the fact that I came from an acting background. I have an innate sense of timing and storytelling that adds to my skillset as an editor.

Honing editing techniques is never-ending. It’s like reaching a plateau on a mountain only to find there’s another higher mountain to climb.

After 14 years, I know a lot. And yet I’ll see what some editors do and am in awe.

It seems like with every editing project (especially films), there is a new hurdle or a new thing that I’ve never done before, and I teach myself (there’s a YouTube tutorial on just about anything you need to learn). Those are all new skills in your toolbox. I do edit commercials and corporate videos as well (there’s good money there), but it’s not the thing I love most.

When I started out, I’d proudly send a client my final project. And sometimes I got pages of notes back. It was hard not to take it personally. You make all these artistic choices, and then you feel like they are criticizing your work.

Maybe that’s the artist in me. I know in the corporate world, going back to the drawing board on a project is normal.

Just like I did with acting, I had to develop a thick skin.

They aren’t criticizing my work. They have a vision, and they’ve hired me to make it happen, even if it’s not what I, myself, would do. The absolute best feeling is when I edit something together, and the director loves it, and only wants to build off of what I’ve already done. It feels like real collaboration. I will insert my opinion when needed. They can take it or leave it. The absolute worst is when a client insists on dictating every little thing until I basically become a button-pusher. There is no artistry in that. When I feel like my voice isn’t heard, I’ll shut down, and deliver the product as requested, even if I think it’s crap.

For Greg’s ACTUAL price list, please contact him through his website here.

With any small-business owner, finding your price point is not easy. Especially because your services are not a physical ‘widget’ that you can set the price of, and people can buy it or not. With editing, you are really selling your labor costs. Early on, I’d have a needy client that demanded going over and over a project. And I realized that my already meager fee had reduced to nothing as the labor hours dragged on with the umpteenth cut. You learn to set an editing threshold. You can offer a certain amount of cuts for the fee you’ve agreed on. And then after that threshold, you can offer a set fee for additional cuts, or go hourly. Hourly is more beneficial to the client, because you can usually accomplish quite a few secondary notes in an hour. The “per cut” fee, of course, benefits you because you might have half an hour of fixes, but you’ve charged for an entire new cut. Either way, it’s remarkable how quickly a client will be finished with a project if they know every cut will cost them more money. It’s better that it comes out of their pocket, rather than out of yours by endlessly working on it for a picky client.

If you are a beginning editor, over time, you’ll get comfortable raising your rates. But make sure you are ready to deliver on that rate. There have been a few times I’ve overshot with my price, and the potential client passed.

That’s business.

I never went to film school. I was self-taught. It was a slow road. I’m a fast learner, and even then, it’s not easy. You must have patience, be in it for the long haul, and really love it. As I said, there’s always something new, even for veteran editors. Film school is great for teaching you terminology and what buttons to push. But the finesse of storytelling (even for commercials) is learned by doing. Just like pretty much every other facet of the film industry, you can only learn so much from books.

Editing actually is a honed skill. I look at things I did 10 years ago, and I cringe. I’ve come a long way. But the road ahead will always contain more exciting challenges. If I’m lucky.

Greg Roderick

has been a resident of New York City for over 30 years. He has appeared on Broadway, and films, and currently works as a director of film & theatre, producer, actor, singer, and editor.

www.gregroderick.com

G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

The Poet’s Purpose

My relationship to poetry is much like my relationship to any art, and when I say any art I mean first and foremost “kung fu,” which many of you will think of as “martial arts.” However, in reality “kung fu” simply means “hard work, over time.” Or, my favorite one word definition, “Cultivation.” And that’s what we do through art and poetry, we cultivate the self. We don’t do it with a “flash-in-the-pan” experience. No, we do it day in and day out - living, breathing, doing art, the hard work of being authentic every day in order to create authentically, when the time arrives. It is something that takes discipline and persistence, but perhaps not quite what you might think of when you think of discipline and persistence. Disciplined how? Persisting in what?

I like to say, “It takes a lot of nothing to create a little something.”

And by that I mean, we need leisure time, time to do nothing, because when artists are doing nothing, something is happening. And not just artists. We ALL need “nothing time,” aka leisure time, but the artist especially. Because we never know when “it,” inspiration, or the muse will arrive. And so we must be disciplined in our “nothing time,” jealous of it even, guarding it as precious and important, because it is. This is how we capture lightning in a bottle, by being ready for when it strikes.

And persistence? Well, we chase inspiration, follow it, down every deadend and wrong turn. We let mistakes happen. We allow ourselves to get lost. Because poetry isn’t a direct line. It’s a meander, a saunter, a “holy pilgrimage.” One where we are ever on the heels of our muses. And we must chase with great tenacity and persistence, catching up to the hare of inspiration with our tortoise minds.

And what do we do with it once caught? We come back to the responsibility of the author, the artist, the poet… AUTHENTICITY. That is what we must do, must be. We are the ones that lead the way. We are the bushwackers, making a path. We are the torch-bearers, Prometheus bringing fire down from the gods.

No one needs poetry or art until they NEED poetry and art, until they’re lost in the darkness.

And so, with our authentic selves, we light up the world, we create in the likeness of Creation, mimic the Universe, copy the Cosmos. All to Inspire! That is the desired outcome, Inspiration. To “breathe into,” to give life, new life, to those stuck in the unending throes of existence; to desire, to create themselves, to cultivate themselves, to find their expression, their art.

Because it is not just the artist that must be authentic, it is just the artist’s authenticity that inspires the populace to pursue it. And authenticity breeds empathy. When you are fully and unapologetically yourself, you accept others fully and unapologetically.

So the artist both creates and lives art, in a constant flux of birth, and rebirth, redefining reality, reconciling relations, reinventing revival. And how do we do that? We FEEL! We open ourselves up to the process, let it take hold of us, guide us, move us. And we must be moved, we must be moved first. If we aren’t moved, no one will be.

No tears in the author, no tears in the audience.

So live, live authentically, and feel, feel fully, then the writing will just happen. And remember, that much like many things, writing, art, creating, comes in seasons. Do not be discouraged by a season without writing. That just means you are in a season of living, and that you have some living to do, so you have something to write about.

Maybe try kung fu.

M.T. Pariti

is a poet, writer, and performer based on Long Island, NY.  He is also the co-founder and editor-in-chief of the hyper-local Art & Poetry magazine The Scene.  He lives in Bay Shore with his two cats Jupiter and Juno.  His daughter Raquel lives in Northern New Jersey. Writing is very much a compulsion for him, something he has been involved in since he was a teenager.  He believes poetry is a unique art in that it can be experienced both on the page and on the stage, and wants to give as many poets as possible a chance to engage with their communities at open mics and hold their published work in their hands. Having moved around a lot in his early years, he really appreciates what the entire Island has to offer, and hopes to see a cross-county transference of art and poetry. M.T.’s own work focuses on living a neurodivergent life. In it he processes the many years he went undiagnosed. His lyrical and rhythmic style, combined with his tumbling and musical verse entertains as much as it disarms as he tackles topics like trauma and mental illness.

G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

The Life of The So-Called Artist

“It is cowardice to be someone other than yourself.”

- Some Stoic Philosopher Probably

Like a true procrastinating writer with low self- esteem and analysis paralysis, this took me forever to write. I’ve been staring at the blank page, trying to set the right mood by putting on “Millennial Doomer Jazz” while lighting a candle. And then I burst into laughter. I never do this in the first place when I write things just for myself, so why should I change now? Listen, all I can do is share with you how I see the world in the most honest way I can. Remember that these aren’t commandments so save yourself the time from writing me all of your angry misspelled emails.

I’m going to dedicate this essay to telling you why I hate being a writer and what I love about it. I will generally refer to ‘The Writer’ but this applies to every discipline in the art world. I can’t promise you this is going to be a balanced position. Hemingway said, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed”. That’s a bunch of horseshit when you have the devil on your shoulder constantly telling you what you’re putting down sucks.

Well, here goes nothing.

GOD’S LONELY MAN

The loneliness in New York is correlated to the loneliness of being a writer. There’s something seriously abnormal about being surrounded by thousands of people everyday and not saying a word to them. And what about the eyes? Nobody looks up anymore. The phones are the new gods and the wifi is our life support. It explains why New Yorkers still hold the title of ‘Best J-Walkers’, not only are we always in a hurry but we need to get to the other side of the street to avoid eye contact with people as fast as possible and get back to our phones!

I realized however, our love of social media is tied to our love of stories. It’s not as simple as it being a useful time waster while you’re taking a shit. Why do you think people used to read books between queues? We have an innate curiosity to see the way other people live their lives. I mean, why else do people watch a twelve hour stream of someone doing their Sunday chores? Entertainment? Yes. Boobs? Yes. It’s also the same reason we still love going to the Movie Theater. It’s not an accident that old Theater Palaces resemble 15th century Roman Churches. The screen is an altar, where a mysterious light is projected from the heavens and shows us moving stills of people’s lives. Watching John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, or Mark Hamill go on a journey and take on challenges has the possibility of teaching me how to handle my own life. Then you walk out feeling a little more hopeful than when you first sat down and you believe you might actually make it! This is the actual power of Cinema. The power of good art. But God is a comedian. We’ve been given this outlet to feel less lonely. Yet it is one of the most isolating activities we can do. What kind of a sick joke is that?!

Deep down, we are all like Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver, walking through New York looking for meaning. Although this time it’s a phone instead of a porn theater. Though I suppose nowadays they can be one in the same.

To be a writer there is a part of you that has to be irrational. I’m avoiding using the word *imbalanced* because it’s already been proven that you can be a successful artist without drinking yourself to death and becoming corrupted. In fact, I would dare say that using substances and starving yourself will pollute the natural currency that allows you to speak honestly and make true art. It is said that author Charles Bukowski, towards the end of his life, got sober and admitted that he never needed the alcohol in the first place.

DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB

The demands of life knock at your door everyday while death hangs the ticking clock over your head. Your job is to find a way to balance that, allowing part of you to remain like Peter Pan and explore the imaginative world on the page. You must be willing to have this duality in you and it takes tremendous sacrifice. It is almost a certain path to poverty. ALMOST. Don’t fall for all the stories you hear about musicians in the 80’s quitting their job to pursue their dreams and suddenly they’re on tour with Kiss. It’s bullshit. That kind of world doesn’t exist anymore. The rent everywhere has quadrupled, gas prices are never going to stay down, and the government will never forgive your student loans! Money matters. Money improves your life. Don’t. Quit. Your. Job.

GOOD ART IS OBJECTIVE

When Caravaggio paints Judith Beheading Holofernes, nobody tries to interpret the meaning behind the head coming off of his body. If you do, you’re probably the same type of person that tells people you’ve read a certain book just to be part of the conversation…

Look, good art is beauty. But that’s become a dangerous thing to say because beauty is an ideal which now becomes part of a hierarchy. Somewhere in our history we were convinced to not create art that represents an ideal, that beautiful people were boring to look at and are evil. Don’t believe me? Just look at who’s playing the villain in the new Cinderella.

When we look at beauty, there’s an unspoken agreement that we are looking at our potential, and that can make people reflect on their own inadequacies and feel like they’re never going to reach that. I’m completely empathetic to that. I’m a 5’6 bald man, but I would be LYING if I told you that the David of Michaelangelo is ugly.

So the next time someone tries to convince you Margot Robbie is ugly just remember that they actually mean something else.

ARE YOU ACTUALLY AN ARTIST OR DO YOU WANT TO APPEAR TO BE ONE?

Stop telling people that you create because their next question is : what are you working on now? I love that because the fake ones get exposed. Seriously. Is there anything more depressing than seeing a 35 year old man sitting at a Starbucks pretending to write his screenplay? The attention, the business dinners, the awards etc--these are a small part of creating art. No one talks about staring at the blank screen for one hour or about the day you finally do get something written on the page and it just sucks and you realize you should just stick to being a construction worker.

This is hard. It’s painful. It’s lonely if you’re trying to do this only for money and fame. Hell, I think it’s lonely either way. Writing became more enjoyable when I stopped pedestalizing it. I truly fell in love with the process and I know hearing that is annoying. But it IS the way. Make it for yourself first. Then see how it can become digestible for the world. If you have a statement to make, it is a sin to keep it to yourself. Perhaps your words can save someone, or you can save yourself.

“If you can dream--and not make dreams your master”

-Ruyard Kipling

Rafael Paulino

is a New York based freelance editor and screenwriter, originally aspiring to be a film historian, now immersed in crafting captivating narratives.

Rafael is currently writing a debut feature film, merging a love for cinema with expertise in script analysis and editing.

G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.