The Life of The So-Called Artist

“It is cowardice to be someone other than yourself.”

- Some Stoic Philosopher Probably

Like a true procrastinating writer with low self- esteem and analysis paralysis, this took me forever to write. I’ve been staring at the blank page, trying to set the right mood by putting on “Millennial Doomer Jazz” while lighting a candle. And then I burst into laughter. I never do this in the first place when I write things just for myself, so why should I change now? Listen, all I can do is share with you how I see the world in the most honest way I can. Remember that these aren’t commandments so save yourself the time from writing me all of your angry misspelled emails.

I’m going to dedicate this essay to telling you why I hate being a writer and what I love about it. I will generally refer to ‘The Writer’ but this applies to every discipline in the art world. I can’t promise you this is going to be a balanced position. Hemingway said, “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed”. That’s a bunch of horseshit when you have the devil on your shoulder constantly telling you what you’re putting down sucks.

Well, here goes nothing.

GOD’S LONELY MAN

The loneliness in New York is correlated to the loneliness of being a writer. There’s something seriously abnormal about being surrounded by thousands of people everyday and not saying a word to them. And what about the eyes? Nobody looks up anymore. The phones are the new gods and the wifi is our life support. It explains why New Yorkers still hold the title of ‘Best J-Walkers’, not only are we always in a hurry but we need to get to the other side of the street to avoid eye contact with people as fast as possible and get back to our phones!

I realized however, our love of social media is tied to our love of stories. It’s not as simple as it being a useful time waster while you’re taking a shit. Why do you think people used to read books between queues? We have an innate curiosity to see the way other people live their lives. I mean, why else do people watch a twelve hour stream of someone doing their Sunday chores? Entertainment? Yes. Boobs? Yes. It’s also the same reason we still love going to the Movie Theater. It’s not an accident that old Theater Palaces resemble 15th century Roman Churches. The screen is an altar, where a mysterious light is projected from the heavens and shows us moving stills of people’s lives. Watching John Wayne, Humphrey Bogart, or Mark Hamill go on a journey and take on challenges has the possibility of teaching me how to handle my own life. Then you walk out feeling a little more hopeful than when you first sat down and you believe you might actually make it! This is the actual power of Cinema. The power of good art. But God is a comedian. We’ve been given this outlet to feel less lonely. Yet it is one of the most isolating activities we can do. What kind of a sick joke is that?!

Deep down, we are all like Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver, walking through New York looking for meaning. Although this time it’s a phone instead of a porn theater. Though I suppose nowadays they can be one in the same.

To be a writer there is a part of you that has to be irrational. I’m avoiding using the word *imbalanced* because it’s already been proven that you can be a successful artist without drinking yourself to death and becoming corrupted. In fact, I would dare say that using substances and starving yourself will pollute the natural currency that allows you to speak honestly and make true art. It is said that author Charles Bukowski, towards the end of his life, got sober and admitted that he never needed the alcohol in the first place.

DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB

The demands of life knock at your door everyday while death hangs the ticking clock over your head. Your job is to find a way to balance that, allowing part of you to remain like Peter Pan and explore the imaginative world on the page. You must be willing to have this duality in you and it takes tremendous sacrifice. It is almost a certain path to poverty. ALMOST. Don’t fall for all the stories you hear about musicians in the 80’s quitting their job to pursue their dreams and suddenly they’re on tour with Kiss. It’s bullshit. That kind of world doesn’t exist anymore. The rent everywhere has quadrupled, gas prices are never going to stay down, and the government will never forgive your student loans! Money matters. Money improves your life. Don’t. Quit. Your. Job.

GOOD ART IS OBJECTIVE

When Caravaggio paints Judith Beheading Holofernes, nobody tries to interpret the meaning behind the head coming off of his body. If you do, you’re probably the same type of person that tells people you’ve read a certain book just to be part of the conversation…

Look, good art is beauty. But that’s become a dangerous thing to say because beauty is an ideal which now becomes part of a hierarchy. Somewhere in our history we were convinced to not create art that represents an ideal, that beautiful people were boring to look at and are evil. Don’t believe me? Just look at who’s playing the villain in the new Cinderella.

When we look at beauty, there’s an unspoken agreement that we are looking at our potential, and that can make people reflect on their own inadequacies and feel like they’re never going to reach that. I’m completely empathetic to that. I’m a 5’6 bald man, but I would be LYING if I told you that the David of Michaelangelo is ugly.

So the next time someone tries to convince you Margot Robbie is ugly just remember that they actually mean something else.

ARE YOU ACTUALLY AN ARTIST OR DO YOU WANT TO APPEAR TO BE ONE?

Stop telling people that you create because their next question is : what are you working on now? I love that because the fake ones get exposed. Seriously. Is there anything more depressing than seeing a 35 year old man sitting at a Starbucks pretending to write his screenplay? The attention, the business dinners, the awards etc--these are a small part of creating art. No one talks about staring at the blank screen for one hour or about the day you finally do get something written on the page and it just sucks and you realize you should just stick to being a construction worker.

This is hard. It’s painful. It’s lonely if you’re trying to do this only for money and fame. Hell, I think it’s lonely either way. Writing became more enjoyable when I stopped pedestalizing it. I truly fell in love with the process and I know hearing that is annoying. But it IS the way. Make it for yourself first. Then see how it can become digestible for the world. If you have a statement to make, it is a sin to keep it to yourself. Perhaps your words can save someone, or you can save yourself.

“If you can dream--and not make dreams your master”

-Ruyard Kipling

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Rafael Paulino

is a New York based freelance editor and screenwriter, originally aspiring to be a film historian, now immersed in crafting captivating narratives.

Rafael is currently writing a debut feature film, merging a love for cinema with expertise in script analysis and editing.

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

When and Why It’s Appropriate to Work for Free

While I’m thoroughly a believer that everyone should get paid, and certainly you should get paid what you’re worth, there are situations where working for free is the thing to do. Here are some of those reasons.

To Learn

The independent film community is thriving on Long Island, but the budgets are not. A person on an indie set who does not understand the workings of it can often be more of a detriment than helpful. If you can talk yourself onto a well-run indie set, keep your eyes and ears open, observe, help where you can and don’t get in the way. The experience can be more valuable than certain classes in film school.

I did not get paid for my first few casting jobs. I didn’t expect to. I was learning, and I didn’t want to charge for something that I was unsure I knew how to do. I do know how to ask questions and research. I got through those jobs, and through those experiences, and it brought a lot of work to my door. Although I mainly write and direct these days, I will take the occasional casting job, which supplements my artist’s income. Now I feel comfortable charging because I know what’s involved, and I know what I’m doing.

If you are going to work for free though, hopefully the production will feed you well, teach you, and not give you monstrous working hours.

When I wanted to do my feature film, The Only Woman in the World, I knew we didn’t have the budget to do it. The only way we could pull it off was with free locations (and I wrote for the locations we would be able to get), a bunch of actor friends who wanted leading roles and believed in the project, and we trained 95% of our crew as we went along. We trained our ADs, second ADs, grips, scripty and sound person. We did pay our hair and make-up person and the occasional gaffer. For the positions we did not pay, we made sure we provided a lot of value for them. Lessons they could transfer to other jobs. IMDb credits. We fed everyone well and paid a stipend for transportation. We kept our days short. Several of the people we trained, went on to use the knowledge we gave them to procure work after the feature. We’ve also hired some of these people after the feature or referred them for other higher paying jobs. Completing The Only Women in the World and getting it onto Tubi, Prime Video and several other platforms gave me entry into the Film Fatales, an organization that only takes women directors and offers opportunities, workwise and financial, to its members.

To Procure Future Jobs

I’m known for hiring great cast and crew members. There may have been a couple of mistakes along the way (people you thought were helping, and they turned out to be less than honorable), but for the most part, we work with incredible people. I have had other directors contact me and say, “I called everyone you used for that movie, and they’re all busy, who else do you have?” I’ve had this happen several times. I take it as a compliment. If you’re a talented worker with a great work ethic and are a good person, we’re going to refer you. A lot.

To Pay Back

I’m big on paying back. If you’ve helped me, and you’re effective, I’m going to refer the heck out of you.

And if you’ve helped by working for less than you would normally get, you’ll be the first person I’ll refer when the bigger jobs come in.

If you’ve done anything for me, and you call me saying you have a low-budgeted project and need my assistance, time permitting, I’m going to help you with it.

To Make a Name for Yourself

This is a small community. Everyone knows each other. If you do a great job, people are going to hear about it. If you make a mistake and don’t take responsibility for your actions, people will hear about that also. Get yourself known, but for the right reasons.

To Make Connections with Great People

I rarely work for free anymore, but if someone has helped me, I will certainly try. Or if there’s a name attached (perhaps an iconic figure, an academy or Emmy winning director, other notable crew member or famous actor), I may do it. If you’re looking for work, people will notice the other people you work with. We’re an industry of illusion, but usually, the work and connections speak for themselves.

You’ve Assembled a Team of People Who Help Each Other

I work with a few teams of talented people. We help each other out with our projects. That’s pretty much the only way true independent projects get done. When you find those people, value them.

This doesn’t mean you work for free forever. That’s not the point of this. The point is learning, getting value, and being of value.

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Debra Markowitz 

created and served as the Director of the Nassau County Film Commission. Serving four administrations during her 33-year tenure, Ms. Markowitz had steadily increased production of movies, television programs and commercials that were shot in Nassau County. Ms. Markowitz also serves as President of the Long Island Film-TV Foundation, Long Island’s most established and largest not-for-profit agency dedicated to the support and promotion of independent filmmaking. The LIFTF runs the LIIFE, the Long Island International Film Expo, which is headed into its 27th year in July 2024.

Debra is also a novelist (the Karmic Wind Trilogy: Naked in the Rain, Sarah and Caleb and Karmic Wind), award winning screenwriter and director of shorts, features and TV pilots, film consultant, casting director and teaches director to actor workshops. Debra was a judge for potential incoming drama students at the LaGuardia Arts High School (The FAME school) for several years. Several of Debra’s films have screened at Academy Award Qualifying Film Festivals: Chosen (Director/Producer) screened at LA Shorts, The Last Taxi Driver (Writer/Director/Producer) screened at the HollyShorts Monthly Screening Series, Shoot Me Nicely (Casting Director/Producer) screened at HollyShorts and Won Best TV Pilot, was a Winner of the Diamond Award at LA Shorts, and My Cross to Bear (Producer/Casting Director) screened at Flickers Rhode Island International Film Festival.  Debra’s screenplay, Just Look Into My Eyes, was a semifinalist in both Flickers and HollyShorts and has won several other screenplay competitions. The screenplay of The Only Woman in the World won Best Screenplay at several international Film Festivals.  The Only Woman in the World feature film is screening on Prime Video, Tubi, The Alice Channel of Xumo, Momentu and several other platforms.  Debra is filming the 10 episode LGBTQIA+ limited series, Couple of Guys, and the fourth episode is currently being edited. Debra is filming the 10 episode LGBTQIA+ limited series, Couple of Guys, and the fourth episode is currently being scored. Debra’s company is currently shooting feature film, Wait List: A Love-ish Story, is in production on a pilot, is developing feature film, Yule Tides, and continues to write. Her work can be found at  www.IntentionFilmsandMedia.com

To Find Out More About Debra Markowitz:

IG: @debramarkowitzfilm

FB: www.facebook.com/DebraMarkowitzWriterDirector

IMDB: https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0548713

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/debra-markowitz/

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

A Thought On Digital Art

In terms of the current trends of the art world, digital art has been growing and developing for some time now. As an artist myself, I have observed how the ease of access of digitial art is resulting in aspiring artists only pursuing the digital medium. But this hasn’t always been the case.

When I was younger, art was more traditional and had to be done by buying materials to create whatever came into your mind. The first time I really saw a program was in the early 2000s. Adobe was making software that allowed you to create work in a digital space but it was far more expensive and was really only seen in professional and school settings. I recall my high school had a class that filled up pretty quickly. An Adobe program also ran pretty expensive in price.

By the time I got to college, Adobe was still pretty costly and had expanded to video, flash, and photo editing as well. The art world was expanding as well due to other programs that were coming out, though Adobe was still the standard for digital art jobs. In terms of Digital vs.Traditional art, things were still pretty balanced and artist were trying to do both.

The common misconception with digital art is that it takes less skill to do. To be honest, it requires extensive practice and passion. I have also observed the difficulty levels to create in the digital space evolve over time. At one time, to do digital art, there was a need for an attachment like a drawing tablet and stylus. Before that a mouse was used to draw, which was certianly harder. With a drawing tablet, however, a person could draw on the surface and what the person drew would translate to the program.

With all the programs that were out, prices had also begun to come down, making it easier for anyone to learn this new craft. Digital art had finally fixed the one issue that made it hard for everyone…price. A Program was now a bit cheaper, there were more options than Adobe, and people were now used to seeing “computerized” images used on websites and social media.

Then came the point where digital art had taken over and more people were seemingly doing digital art over traditional. Some were even just doing the digital, with no history or exploraion of traditional.

Tablets were now also getting art programs where all you needed was that stylus or pen. Most of these programs had mobile versions or free versions as well as the trial version. I myself have gone through four different of these programs.

I feel art has always been kinda downplayed in society, and some of these programs have not adjusted to the demand. Adobe for example charges a monthly fee through the Cloud. Others offer alternative versions to accommodate what you need them for.

As a customer, you can already copy anything digital these days, thus making producing something easier in the digital world and harder for traditional art.

Personally, I don’t see the hype in following a trend and feel that an artist’s journey is found when you explore and not copy. It’s easy to get lost in asking others what they did. Like I said before, I have been through four of these programs myself (both paid and free) and each offers something different. I can understand how a person can be overwhelmed by the options, especially when there are so many opinions about them out there.

I think that as time goes on, these programs will become easier to use and the “it’s too hard to understand” complaint will fade away. The thought then really becomes what other crazy new features can they add to draw in new people? That pun was intended.

In terms of longevity, digital art has made a place and claim in the art space. Each new advancement in the programs allow more people to understand their place in art and allows people to be creative in new ways. Regarding my personal growth, I can say that digital art has been key to my self exploration. Using the new skills in digital art transfers back to traditional art, giving me new ideas for projects and designs. No matter if you’re experienced as a digital artist or a complete beginner, stock (liscensng artwork that was previously created) is only getting better for digital art. Chances are this is a style of art that will stay and adapt with the times.

Court Hospedales is an artist based out of Long Island, New York. His art comes from many different inspirations - from television to current events. In terms of style, Court uses many different mediums to create projects or pieces. The main objective for Court as an artist is to learn something he didn’t previously know and add it to his toolbox of skills. He has many goals but the main one is to show people that art is something anyone can do.

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

Hollywood and PHAT Phobia

Grandmas. School mascots. Roles created for men.

Those were the parts I was destined for in our school plays back home in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I dreamed of one day portraying the ingénue roles: Kim MacAfee in Bye Bye Birdie instead of Edna the Mayor’s Wife, Cosette in Les Miserables instead of Madame Thénardier, Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors instead of…not being cast at all. But, as a loud-mouthed frizzy haired fat girl, that dream of being cast as the vulnerable yet beautiful, slightly ditzy but completely charming, slender yet not emaciated character was beyond out of reach. The lead roles were always awarded to the cute, petite, skinny girls (because they were written that way).

In the 80’s there weren’t many plus sized women in leading roles who I could look up to until the début of Living Single. I admired (read: was obsessed with) the beautiful and strong women in that show, most especially Kim Coles who portrayed the comedic and quirky Synclaire and Queen Latifah who portrayed Khadijah, the one who always held it together. Their size was never an issue, a thesis, or a thing. They were who they were and there didn’t have to be an explanation that they were series regulars who happened to exceed a dress size 6. But, these characters were incredibly rare to find in other television shows or movies. And these role models were much needed for us young fat girls just trying to believe we were PHAT (pretty hot and tempting). In my humble opinion over 30 years later, these types of characters are still few and far between- and, that needs to be fixed. I’m looking at you Disney - where’s our first chubby heroine?

I believe that Hollywood is a mirror of society while, at the same time, society is also a mirror of Hollywood.

So, essentially it’s a double-edged sword (mind you, that sword should be a prop sword). Hollywood seems to almost FEAR casting larger people as leads. For so long, big has been seen as messy, repulsive and too much. My momma’s best friend has an expression that she loves to say: “Too much for Hollywood” (which basically means “extra”). So, dare I say bigger actors are almost too much for Hollywood? Until needed for some “brave” directorial choice, plus size performers are always written and cast as the supporting roles such as the sassy best friends (if we are lucky), the double fisting donut eating meter maids or the disgruntled moms at Walmart, to name a few. Growing up and when I was at my heaviest, I was always told (usually by a fellow actress who happened to be thin, blonde and perfect in Hollywood’s eyes), “But, Brooke, those roles are the most fun. They’re the comic relief. They’re meaty and juicy. I’d kill to play a part like that!” Meanwhile, I would have killed (with a prop sword, naturally) to portray Juliet.

Fresh out of theatre school, for some reason (either I was delusional or stubborn or more so hopeful and forward thinking), at 250 pounds and a size 24, I still held onto my dream of portraying the lead (without it being some sort of “bold directorial choice”). Had I heeded the advice from a theatre professor to “realize I was a bigger girl and just own it”, I probably would have gotten ahead quicker right out the gate. I knew my type but, like most bright eyed and bushy tailed students fresh out of theatre school, I didn’t want to portray a stereotype (even if portraying a stereotype was the only was I was going to work). I didn’t want to settle for the roles of the chubby friend who gorged on hot dogs or be the brunt of the jokes. If any joke was going to be made about me, I wanted to be the one in the driver’s seat.

So, I got into stand up comedy and improvisation. And then I realized if I wanted to make money in this business to support my new dream of comedy, I might have to just suck it up and audition for roles that I just didn’t want to portray, roles that ate at my sugar free, gluten free soul. It wasn’t because I was judging my characters.

I was sick and tired of Hollywood (mainly straight men and their fantasies of a perfect female body) deciding who or what I was.

I can keep blaming it on “Hollywood” all I want but if Hollywood is a mirror of society (and vice versa) then I should really call out the fat phobia shared by humankind as a whole (in the Western world, at least), including the doctors themselves. See, I found out in college that my hormonal issues (delayed periods, facial hair growth and inability to lose weight among many other un-cute, totally non-ingénue-like symptoms) were due to a condition called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (AKA PCOS). You can hear all about it on my podcast Who’s Dat Phat Girl www.brookehoover.com/podcast (thanks, Greg, for allowing the shameless plug).

Photo Credit: John Bohnel

Because I’m vain and I work in an industry all about aesthetics, I wanted to do anything to lose the weight and the facial hair and get healthy in order to have enough stamina to keep up with a very demanding profession. Prescription drugs, stressing over having PCOS, and bouncing from one judgmental medical professional to the next only exacerbated my symptoms.

So, I decided to go at it naturally with a very strict high-fiber, low-carb lifestyle change and exercise regime. I started losing weight and I was so proud of myself. I told my agents. I sent postcards to casting directors. And…I was still called in for the bigger girl roles because though I was losing weight, I wasn’t skinny enough. How could the “Dad Bod” be considered hot but if a woman didn’t have curves in all the right places she would be pigeonholed as Overeater Anonymous Member #5?

Okay, okay, okay. I get it. You may be saying, “Cry me a River Phoenix, Brooke, you chose to work in a visual industry.” I know I am the one who chose this business. I chose to be judged on a daily basis. But, I started getting more than sick of it when I was doing “everything right” to lose weight and I was still only getting called in for roles that had to do with my size. Words like “hefty”, “zaftig” and/or “plump” were always in the casting notices. I had honest conversations with my agents about it to which they replied, “But Brooke, that’s just the way the business is.” To which I replied (read: BEGGED), “Then why can’t you just submit me as a lawyer or therapist instead of chunky lawyer or therapist who can’t stop eating Krispy Kremes?!? I’ve lost 30 pounds since I’ve been working with you!” To which they always responded, “Congrats on the weight loss, Brooke,” which really meant, “My hands are tied. I don’t write the rules, I just take 10 percent.”

I questioned my sanity and how I would not let these roles define me or mess with my self-esteem while I continued on my health quest. I focused more and more on healing and less on being a star. I wanted to fuel my comedy and my own creations.

So, this plus size girl got into sex work. I know what you’re thinking. But, it’s not quite what it sounds like. I started doing background or extra work and most of the roles I was called in for were hookers. And I LOVED it because I said to myself, “Hey at least SOMEONE thinks I’m sexy!” A certain show that took place down the shore during Prohibition became my bread and butter and the outlet for me to meet many lifelong friends for nearly three seasons. It was kind of just what I needed to make me stop feeling fat in this industry and start feeling PHAT (pretty hot and tempting). It allowed for health insurance, stability, and a way to fuel my own projects. More importantly, it completely took me out of my comfort zone. I realized I had to work with the cards I was dealt (the brothel was called “The Four Deuces” so that’s a pun for the fans out there).

It wasn’t until I had a more substantial weight loss (100 pounds to this date) and got a new agent that I started getting submitted for “regular” roles that didn’t have any fat qualifiers accompanying them. It honestly felt like a weight (literal and figurative) was lifted off my chest to read the character description and just see “mom” instead of “overweight mom.”

I have been around enough now to know that I’ll never be a size 2 (I’m a size 10 and at a healthy, maintained weight - the actual number on the scale is none of your business, Hollywood) and I’m okay with that. I’m also finally getting okay with the fact that, even with the weight loss, I’ll never be called in for the same types of roles as Reese or Margot (Witherspoon and Robbie, respectively; I just wanted to pretend we are on a first name basis). My dream of being the ingénue changed in part because that’s just the way the glittery fake cookie crumbles, but mainly because I don’t want to aspire to be in a club that doesn’t want me. Dreams can change, and that’s totally fine as long as we don’t shape (pun intended) our dreams based on someone else’s messed up ideals of perfection.

If Hollywood and society are mirrors of each other, then who is really responsible for shifting the perspective on stereotypes? I say it’s up to each and every one of us. Hopefully, one day, society at large and Hollywood at larger will catch up. And now I wonder, again, as I write this blog on the coat tails of the SAG-AFTRA and WGA strikes if my childhood dream of being a working actor at all will be something I’ll have to completely rethink and reshape one day.

But, because I’m a PHAT (pretty hot and temping) girl, I have faith that I’ll be okay.

Photo Credit: John Bohnel

BROOKE HOOVER is an actor, writer, comedian and artist. Brooke has created, performed and produced award winning short film Shyft, comedic webseries Pageant Pom Mom and solo shows Wayward Souls and Phat* Girl Costumes, which inspired her podcast (now on its third season) Who’s Dat Phat Girl? Brooke’s film and television work ranges from co-star roles in shows such as Manifest, Law and Order: SVU, Blue Bloods and High Maintenance to stunt work in “Hunters” to film (“Ted K”, “The Girl Who Invented Kissing”), theatre and audiobook narration. Her most challenging work to date is coordinating practicing down dog at the same time as her Pomeranians and being able to capture it on video. A (phat) girl can dream. You can connect with Brooke at:

www.brookehoover.com or on Instagram

*Pretty Hot and Tempting

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G&E In Motion does not necessarily agree with the opinions of our guest bloggers. That would be boring and counterproductive. We have simply found the author’s thoughts to be interesting, intelligent, unique, insightful, and/or important. We may not agree on the words but we surely agree on their right to express them and proudly present this platform as a means to do so.

My Journey Through the Beethoven Symphonies

The last two decades of my professional career were devoted to the nine symphonies of Beethoven. I had taken on the monumental task of transcribing the orchestral scores of the symphonies to the medium of solo piano music. The complexity of this project extended across several operational phases: (1) textual analyses of the primary sources (including Beethoven’s autograph manuscripts, early publications, and latest critical editions); (2) writing my original piano transcriptions; (3) editing the piano score through the arduous process of learning them on the keyboard; and finally (4) recording the performances for CD releases. The inspiration for this epic undertaking was based on my vision and hope that these transcriptions would introduce some much-needed fresh perspectives on these iconic masterpieces.

How effectively can an orchestral work be re-written as a piano score? There is no simple or conclusive answer. One must consider the repertoire itself, the purpose of the task, the musical decisions to be made, and awareness of the technical limitations of the instrument and the pianist’s abilities. How these parameters relate organically to the whole would directly impact the degree of precision and quality of the musical transfer, the playability, and ultimately the success of the transcription in achieving its intended goal.

I have always been fascinated by transcriptions of all kinds, whether piano, instrumental, vocal, orchestral, or selections from musicals and jazz. The fundamental principle that guides my work is textual fidelity to the original source and simpatico performance considerations. These two aspects may sound reasonable and practical enough. However, in the course of my project, I would discover that every step in this process is a mighty struggle requiring every ounce of my creative, intellectual, and physical capabilities.

Ironically, this project had originated with a different aim. I simply wanted to record these symphonies in the piano arrangement that Franz Liszt had written. Since its publication in the mid-1800s, Liszt’s version has maintained its respected status in the music literature. Indeed, the first volume in my project began with Liszt’s score of the Ninth Symphony arranged for two pianos. But as fate would have it, I experienced an epiphany that would steer my project to an entirely different and unforeseen course.

Why a new set of piano transcriptions of the Beethoven Symphonies?

So, what can we say about Liszt’s fidelity to Beethoven’s score? According to Liszt’s biographer, Alan Walker, “… Liszt understood that a liberty judiciously taken could bring the ‘truth’ of a passage more directly to the listener. In matters of translation, Liszt once remarked, ‘there are some exactitudes that are the equivalent of infidelities.’” To my mind the extent of such “infidelities” that Liszt felt compelled to commit, in order to capture the spirit of the work, crosses the boundaries of what might be deemed legitimate transcription and veers into the domain of free “arrangement.” One’s good-faith attempt to maintain Beethoven’s original notes in a transcription cannot be faulted if the goal is the preservation of the letter and the spirit of the original. However, if the letter is sacrificed in spectacular ways to serve one’s subjective conception of the spirit of the music, I believe that the premise behind such an approach needs to shift from transcription in its pure form to re-creation or re-interpretation. This latter morphology is not where my musical conscience would settle.

I have yearned for an alternative approach to transcription which restores both the letter and the spirit of Beethoven’s original scores. My project became an attempt to fill this glaring void. The initial volume in the recording series, the Ninth Symphony, was released as a “newly edited version of Liszt’s transcription.” Though formally described as such, the connection to Liszt’s version was in reality rather tenuous, as my near total editing of his score would attest (this being not an ideal forum to get into the weeds of the transcription and editing processes, the interested reader is referred to my expository essay on this topic and also to the CD liner notes).

With all remaining symphonies, any ties to Liszt’s arrangements were completely severed, and thus I forged ahead following my own artistic vision and conviction. Inevitably, my original transcriptions will in turn be scrutinized to assess the degree of fidelity to Beethoven’s scores. These new transcriptions are also distinguished by the emergence of a unique piano idiom: a potent mixture of Beethovenian piano textures (that is, dramatic expressions of Romantic sensibilities inherent in Beethoven’s contemporaneous piano style) and various technical innovations of the modern piano. Viewed in this perspective, it is intriguing to consider the transformation of these transcriptions into independent piano works in their own right, all the while maintaining close stylistic identity with Beethoven’s original orchestral music.

Click here to listen to the streaming audio of the transcriptions

The Recording Phase

Some may wonder why my recording series began with the Ninth Symphony, which is of course Beethoven’s last. This was due to two reasons: one was logistical and the other psychological. First, the recording session schedule available at that time represented the only window of possibility for Matthew, my son and collaborator in the two-piano performance. The rigors of his developing academic career would be increasingly incompatible with such a monumental commitment needed for this project. While the Ninth Symphony, due to its extraordinarily massive scale, required nothing less than the performing force of two pianos, the other symphonies (nos. 1-8) fit naturally into transcription version for solo piano performance.

The second reason why this symphony was the first is my idiosyncratic habit of initially tackling the most challenging piece among the works in a series. By this process I would hope to gain momentum and confidence needed the rest of the way. That has been the theory and my modus operandi since earlier in my career when I recorded the complete piano works of the French composer Olivier Messiaen.

Personal Toll

Reflecting on my life during work on this project, it was a time of considerable difficulty and transition. During this stretch of about fifteen years there were several developments that profoundly changed me and the meaning of my life in music. Among these was a physical ailment catastrophic for a pianist: focal dystonia. My left index finger developed a significant loss of flexibility, mobility, and control. This neurological condition grew worse over time and eventually affected also the normal faculty of the thumb and middle finger as well as the thumb of the opposite hand. This did not happen suddenly, but in hindsight I could attribute the origin of the injury to the period of hyper-intensive practice leading up to my concert tour on the occasion of the Messiaen centenary in 2008. One bright spot was that those performances on the tour were highly successful and did not exhibit any of the adverse conditions that would soon follow. My worsening condition developed into an epic struggle to reorient not only the usage of the affected parts of my hands but also the inter-coordination of all the fingers in response to the compromised digits. During preparations for the Beethoven symphony recording sessions, my training entailed modifying the all-important fingering systems to execute velocity, smoothness, and the subtle gradients of touch. In practice this proved to be nothing short of reprogramming my entire mental and physical orientation to the piano. When I say that this is everything for the pianist, I am not being hyperbolic. The difficulty was beyond imagination, and the doubts in my mind progressively grew as to my ability to complete the project.

I was fortunate to have had a team of very powerful support that pulled me from the abyss of despair. My wife Judy never gave up hope and encouraged me through the dark days to find the possible solution—whether physiological, musical, or spiritual. Another source of support was my younger son James, who had assumed the role of producer from his brother Matthew. Along with my recording engineer, David Merrill, there was no one better equipped to provide me with the very specialized artistic, performance and recording supervision than James at that time. His personal sacrifice was also very substantial as he had to channel his time and energies to this huge undertaking while performing his professional duties as a young attorney. From an early age my sons had been trained at the highest level of musicianship during the years of our performing career as father-and-sons pianists, Paul Kim & Sons.

Through divine Providence I was guided to the miraculous completion of my project. Also, by a stroke of fate, in the year 2020 my labor in this epic journey was completed in commemoration of the 250th anniversary of Beethoven’s birth. As of today, my recovery has been slow but steady. I work each day to regain (and with optimism, hope to surpass) the technical command I had before. A positive sign is that I am already at work on another major project, which will be revealed at an appropriate time.

Paul Kim’s career is dedicated to bridging the pathways of performance, musicology, and education. He has performed as soloist with many of the world’s leading orchestras and conductors including Zubin Mehta, Andrew Litton, Philippe Entremont, Myung-Whun Chung, among others. The New York Times praised Kim’s “brightest flashes of virtuosity and clear transparent quality,” and Gramophone (UK), “his strength of character and personality.” A specialist in the music of Olivier Messiaen, Paul Kim is the first artist to record the composer’s complete body of piano works. His latest CD release of the complete Beethoven symphonies, in new piano transcriptions that Kim has written, has garnered critical attention and acclaim. 

Paul Kim studied at The Juilliard School and Manhattan School of Music where he received his B.M. and M.M. degrees. He went on to earn a Ph.D. from New York University. He also holds a graduate degree in Behavior Analysis. His recent research focuses on the nexus of music and autism. At Long Island University Dr. Kim is professor of music history, theory, and piano studies, and has served as director of Graduate Music Studies. Besides his performing career, Dr. Kim is a frequent guest speaker at academic conferences, concert series, and college campuses across the United States and abroad. 

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Pianist Paul Kim

Paul Kim & Sons

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